The Deuce Weekly, 4/24 - 4/30/01

Vol I, Iss X
4/24-4/30

“The Deuce Weekly sizzles with information, humor and spiritual depth! Who could ask for anything more…” Earl Salser

Coming Up:
*Tonight! Meet at The Deuce at 6:30, and we are heading to Kenny Roger’s Roasters for ALL YOU CAN EAT CHICKEN BASH!!! The cost is like, 6.99, plus drink, but think of all the grease and fat you can intake in one sitting. Mmmm, Mmmmm good! (man, I miss Kenny...)

*Tomorrow, April 24th… dcTalk’s new EP comes out, called Solo, with selected songs from each of the three’s solo albums, plus a raucous remake of U2’s song “40” (don't know if "raucous" was the right word--we're still waiting for dcTalk to come back from being solo)

*Wednesday, April 25th… Road trip to Nashville, starring Mikey Nipp, Tommy Mc and El Sharpo. They are leaving around 2pm to go see Skillet and a few other bands, and will return the next day around… 3 am or so. Hey, they have to be responsible and go to work! Contact them for more details.

*Saturday, April 28th, The Dove Awards at The Deuce. Starts at like, 6. Maybe 8. Could be 7. Not sure.

*Sunday, April 29th, Life Connection Luncheon at The Refuge, after church

*Thursday, May 3rd… Survivor Finale! There is no TNBS, so come over and watch my Elisabeth walk away with a million dollars!

*May 4th-6th, Beach Retreat at PCB… Common Ground is going to Panama City for the weekend. Pay your cheap fifty bucks, and you get prayer, worship, Elvis’ half-step brother’s uncle’s cousin’s former roommate or something… Rick Stanley! Plus, Christian chicks in bathing suits! (Yes, there were)

*May 12th… Cracker Barrel Saturday is a week later this Month, as we are in PCB on the first Saturday. Anyway, join us at 10 am at the CB on 119 for breakfast and fellowship!

Coming Soon:
*May 16th… Common Ground runs the asylum, er, uh, The Refuge for Wednesday night service! I heard the speaker is a hottie! (I think I was the speaker, but I can't remember...)
*May 16th… Oklahoma City bomber Tim McVeigh is executed. Why do I keep mentioning this? Can’t help it.
*May 19th… Graduation Day of my friend and yours Amy Wible from the U of Alabama! (No comment on this, for fear of future marriage counseling)
*May 26th… Common Ground service project night… check here for more details
*June… Deuce History Month
*June 20th-23rd… AtlantaFest in Atlanta, Georgia
*June 29th-30th… WalkAbout: On Holy G’Round Dinner Theater
*JULY 7th… DEUCEFESTDEUCE. BE THERE. OR BE SOMEWHERE ELSE, BUT NOT AS HAPPY.
*July 14th… Le Perc at Common Ground (Le Perc? If you thoght that was a ridiculous name, we're still a year or so away from the appearance of Grabbajava...)
*August 4th… So Long Steph, a goodbye to The Deuce First Lady
*August 7th… Nsync in Concert (Shawn Sharp took Amy Anderson, if I remember corrrectly)
*September 1… The DFC Begins Season II
*October 20th… DeuceNight
*December 22nd… It’s a Wonderful Deuce Christmas

The DRL (deuce request live) Top Five of Everything
5… Steph Nipp, just because she’s a real groovy chick who’s happening in a far out way! (That's a line from The Brady Bunch movie, so I'm guessing that Snipper and I watched this movie prior to this comment)
4… Jill’s Aerobie. That thing rules.
3… WalkAbout. This is a personal choice, but just know that the drama team did awesome yesterday at their performance!
2… Meredith Q’s house. The kitchen alone is worth a drive out there
1… Doctor Earl. He’s just a cool guy!

The Spotlight Haiku
Each week, we salute one of our favorite Deuce people with a Haiku! Don’t forget to read at the end on how you can submit a special series of Haiku! This week, we give our spotlight to Justin Glenn
Justin plays guitar
Dates Jenn Pritchett, shaved his head
And will wait on you

If I Could Be Serious For a Minute:
This is from Emily in Atlanta who asked me to post this, for anyone who has a heart for foreign missions:
They are in need of singles to teach k-5 school children and couples to be house parents in Indonesia. If you are interested in either thing, please [Contact DW] ..and I will send you more info about the program. It is an awesome way to be a Christian witness to the Indonesian children and families. Emily is waiting on more info on the exact dates, but I think summer help is needed as well as long term help. Both positions are salaried with full benefits. (anyone remember Emily Eldridge? She was the sorta hot chick who was friends with Amy Valdmanis, and ended up being just as good friends with us... she had the Star Wars on laserdisc that belonged to her roommate in Atlanta, which Tommy and Mikey Nipp molested when we all went to visit Emily and Steph Campbell one weekend... last I heard,m Emily was living in California, probably hiking the west coast barefoot)

This Week’s TopTen List…
(Okay, so this was one of my all time favorites, if only for the Thug Life comment, and I felt like I got crickets from the audience on this one... nary a comment, an email, or anything about it. Disappointing.)
Top Ten Things the Muppets Could Do to Appeal to Today’s Teens
10) Popular Muppet changes his name to Notorious B.I.G. Bird
9) Rumble scene with the cast of South Park where Gonzo shanks Cartman
8) Sesame Street now sponsored by the number 3 and Colt 45
7) To save hostages Miss Piggy and nephew Robin, Kermit takes to the road in a big rig, hauling illegal weapons for crime-boss Meatloaf in an epic called “Black Frog”
6) Cookie Monster writes a tell-all book about his struggles with an eating disorder
5) Bert and Ernie guest star on “Friends” in a comical love triangle with Phoebe.
4) New fuzzy purple Muppet named “Ritalin”
3) Scooter openly complains about the guy with the arm up his bum
2) Fozzie gets “Thug Life” tattoo on chest
1) Elmo is beheaded

Be a Part:
June is Deuce History Month! We are wanting to give Haiku to Tom, Shawn, Michael and the two pets, Malcolm and Fisher (as one haiku), and we want you to do it! Next Monday will be Tom’s Spotlight Haiku.
Up next is Shawn Sharp… you have until May 7th to get in Shawn’s Haiku, to be featured in the 5/14 DW. Remember, a haiku is a three line poem with five syllables in the first and third lines, and seven in the second line. Put your poetic Asian caps on, and submit your Shawn Haiku!

The Puzzler
The answer to last week’s Puzzler…
It was in the Silver Box. The fact that only one inscription can be correct means that the only one the COULD be correct is the Periwinkle inscription. If the Gold was correct, that means Silver’s was correct, and that can’t happen. That rules out all but the Silver box. So Ashley’s pic was in the Silver box, with the correct inscription being on the perwinkle. Congrats to Meredith Brazzel, who got the right answer about 15 minutes after I sent it out.
New Puzzler next week!

Removal
To be removed from the mailing list, simply hit “reply” and type “remove”, and along with your $43.00 removal fee, we’ll take you right off!

Feedback
As always, please send your comments and ideas to this address or to tanguy2001@nolongeraworkingemail.com. All criticism is appreciated too, and is filed in a special basket under my desk.

The Deuce Weekly, 4/17 - 4/23/01

Vol I, Iss IX
4/17-4/23

New Format! Because some of you want the whole thing, and some of you only want the upcoming events, WE’VE LISTED THE UPCOMING EVENTS…. FIRST!!. After you read what’s coming up, you can get rid of it… or you can choose to read on! (Finally, we get to what the Deuce Weekly would become... an entertaining newsletter)

You’ll find in this DW:
Coming Up-Events that are near
Coming Soon-Events that are coming in the future
The DRL (deuce request live) Top Five of Everything
Spotlight Haiku
If I Could Be Serious…
The Top Ten List
Be A Part
The Puzzler (new feature)
What Others are Saying

Coming Up:
*Tuesday, April 17th, Tuesday Perk at Common Ground. We’re just hanging out, fellowship, having fun, come join us!

*Thursday, April 19th, Praise and Worship at Thursday Night Bible Study. Bring your scripture, bring your heart. Bread and water will be served for those who are fasting in His name, and be prepared to enter a time of incredible worship! Check out the Serious Moment below for more details. Starts at 6:30.

*Friday, April 20th, Common Ground afire… Come on out to Meredith Quintana’s house, as we have a huge bonfire and burn stuff. Cool, huh? (I think this is where Josh Crosby actually jumped over the fire, much to Sybil's horror)

*Friday, April 20th, after the bonfire… Chick night at Meredith Quintana’s house. Talk to her for more details.

*Saturday, April 21st, 11am… we are heading out to Oak Mountain to play that day. More than likely, we’ll meet at The Deuce at 10:30, and then head out there, unless it is easier for you to meet there at 11. We are looking at going to The Dogwood Pavilion, which is easy to find. I’ll send out more details in the Weekend Update. Bring your own sack lunch and drinks!

*Saturday, April 21st, 7pm… Supertones, Reliant K and Switchfoot in concert! Metro Church of God.

*Tuesday, April 24th… dcTalk’s new EP comes out, with selected songs from each of three member’s solo albums.

*Saturday, April 28th, The Dove Awards, at The Deuce. No, really, we are having the awards ceremony at The Deuce. Seriously. (For all the hype about the Doves, I don't actually remember watching them)

*Sunday, April 29th, Life Connection luncheon at The Refuge, after church.

*May 3rd, Thursday… Survivor Finale! There is no TNBS, so come over and watch my Elisabeth walk away with a million dollars! (Elisabeth was knocked out first--then Keith, Colby finished second and Tina Wesson ended up winning)

*May 4th-6th, Beach Retreat at PCB. Common Ground is heading that way on Friday, and the cost is a measly 50 bucks. Prayer, worship, Elvis’ half brother and more!

Coming Soon:
*May 16th.. Timothy McVeigh is executed. Live, on closed circuit tv.
*June… Its Deuce History Month
*June 29th and 30th… WalkAbout: On Holy Ground dinner theater
*July 7th… DeuceFestDeuce
*July 14th… Le Perc at Common Ground
*July… The Deuce Invitational Golf Championships
*August 4th…So Long Steph, a goodbye to the Deuce First Lady
*August 7th… N’Sync in concert
*September 1st… The Deuce Football Championships begin with Alabama vs UCLA
*October 20th, Saturday… DeuceNight, a semi formal of great proportions
*December 22nd… It’s a Wonderful Deuce Christmas
Note: Dates have changed for DeuceNight and It’s a Wonderful Deuce… dates are still tentative.

The DRL (deuce request live) Top Five of Everything
5… Wookiee, Wookiee, Wookiee. Just wanted Chewie Man to know we love him.
4… Ken and Lynn Nipp. One word-Makes a great lunch for those who have no where to go on Sundays, including ham and brisket and stuff like that.
3… Tetris. I’m seeing blocks everytime I turn around. Certainly I’m not alone
2… Mrs. Morris, for having Drew 21 years ago tomorrow.
1… It’s Easter weekend. Props to God.

The Spotlight Haiku
Each week, we salute one of our favorite Deuce People with a Haiku, an ancient form of Chinese Poetry. Quickly becoming one of DW’s most popular segments, don’t forget to read at the end on how you can submit a special series of Haiku! This week, the spotlight falls on our good friend Ross Kingrey.
Ross is a Marine
Proud to be American
Has his own truck now

If I Could Be Serious For a Minute
Nathan Tutor has laid down the challenge, to Fast. This Thursday is praise and worship night, so if you feel God leading you to do so, you are invited to some sort of fasting on Thursday in prep for deep worship that night. Or, you might want to fast for the week. Talk to Nathan if you have “fasting” questions, its much deeper than giving up a meal or skipping caffeine for a day.

This Week’s Top Ten List…
Top Ten Best Things about having Sean Hall’s height
10-You can better relate to a tall Patrick Swayze in the hit motion picture Black Dog
9-Something satisfying about knowing you are exactly three times the height of Amy Vos
8-You can look like The Rock to people who can barely see
7-Don’t know if you know this, but its much easier to make a basket if you are like, really, really tall
6-Thin air around your head gives you that woozy, peaceful feeling
5-Easy to stay awake driving when your head is sticking out of the sunroof
4-You have a breathtaking view of all the bald spots at Valleydale
3-You can hit the big and tall stores with Vic
2-Get to go by the sadistically ironic nickname “Tiny”
And the number one best thing about being as tall as Sean Hall:
Tall Women!

Be a Part:
June is Deuce History Month! We are wanting to give Haiku to Tom, Shawn, Michael and the two pets, Malcolm and Fisher (as one haiku), and we want you to do it! Next Monday is the deadline for Tom’s Spotlight Haiku, to be featured in the April 30th DW. A haiku is a three line poem with five syllables in the first and third lines, and seven in the second line. Put your poetic Asian caps on, and submit your Tom Haiku!

New Feature!
The Puzzler…
Each week, I’m going to throw out a little puzzle. Your job? Figure it out. First one to send me the correct answer wins, and the winner and answer will be announced in the next DW.
This weeks Puzzle:
Our Fair Maiden Ashley
The king wants to marry off his lovely Princess Ashley, but must find an intelligent suitor for her. Not just any cute, but stupid brute will do, he wants to find a cute, smart brute. So the king devises a test. Young Knight Michael comes in to try his hand at the hand of Ashley.
Here is the test:
On the table are three boxes, one is gold, one is silver, one is periwinkle. Inside one of these boxes is a lovely picture of our fair maiden Ashley. Knight Michael’s job, without opening the boxes, is to pick the box with her picture in it.
On top of each box is an inscription. The gold box says, "Ashley's picture is in this box." The silver box says, "Ashley's picture is not in this box." The periwinkle box says, "Ashley's picture is not in the gold box."
The King gives Knight Michael one hint, because as it stands, he can’t figure out the puzzle. The hint? Only one of the inscriptions is correct… making the other two, duh, incorrect.
So… which box would give Michael the chance to marry Ashley? That doesn’t mean he wants that one, but your job is to find the box with Ashley’s picture and why?
You get the answer next week, send all guesses to this email address or to Tanguy2001@aol.com

Removal:
To be removed from the mailing list, simply hit “reply” and type “remove”, and along with your $41.00 removal fee, we’ll take you right off!

What Others are Saying about The Deuce Weekly! (these were actually emails--not kidding)
“I think its funny… heehee!”-Drew Morris
“Excellent newsletter. I enjoyed it thoroughly.”-Sean Hall
“Keeps me updated with what’s going on!”-Hillary Kelley
“I LOVE THE DEUCE WEEKLY!”-Stephanie Nipp

Thanks for the encouragement!
Dave

The Deuce Weekly, 4/10 - 4/16/01

Vol I, Iss VIII
4/10-4/16

The DRL (deuce request live) Top Five of Everything
5… Tiger Woods, Master of the Masters. He won again, by the way.
4… Ashley Dekker. Did you see the size of the Common Ground newsletter? It was huge!
3… Ecclesia. Out of Matthew 16:18, it’s a small new church in downtown B’ham. Very trendy, very cool.
2… Opening Day. The boys of summer are back.
1… Ty Coffey, taking another step today towards owning Samford, and that much closer to World Domination.

Easter Plans:
For those of you not sitting with family, or with no family around to sit with, here’s my preliminary plan. This is tentative, so don’t carve it in stone just yet. Meet at the Deuce at 5pm, and we can all go out to eat somewhere. We can all go to the church afterwards and sit together for the 7pm service. For those who don’t want to eat, just meet in the lobby at 6:30.
Afterwards, come back to The Deuce where we’ll have a special screening of the production “Stephen”. While not an Easter story, it is the modern retelling of the martyrdom of Stephen, and trust me, you’ll get a lot out of it.

Coming Soon:
*Friday, April 20th, Common Ground afire! Come on out to Meredith Quintana’s house, as we set things on fire and have a great time of fellowship.

*Friday, April 20th, all night, Meredith Q wanted me to announce Chick’s Night at her house, all night movies and makeup and talking about boys and playing MASH and all that sissy stuff.

*Saturday, April 21st, during the day… play the day away at Oak Mountain!

*Saturday, April 21st, at night, Supertones, Reliant K and Switchfoot in concert! Metro Church O’God

*Saturday, April 28th, The Dove Awards at The Deuce. Well, not actually at The Deuce, but in Nashville, but come to The Deuce and watch it with us.

*Sunday, April 29th, Life Connection luncheon at The Refuge, after church.

*May 4-6, Common Ground goes to PCB. Prayer, worship, women. Christian women are righteous babes, remember that.

The Spotlight Haiku
Given each week to honor one of our great Deuce friends. This week, the honor goes to Sybil Johnson
A godly lady
Opens up her home to us
And plans beach trips too

If I Could Be Serious for a minute…
Please take a few minutes sometime in the next few days, and remember Wade Morris and his family. They lost their first child not too long ago, and God is really making himself known throughout it all.

Coming Soon…
*May 3rd… Survivor Finale! There is no TNBS, so come over and watch my Elisabeth walk away with a million dollars!
*May 16th… Timothy McVeigh is put to death
*June… Deuce History Month
*June 28th-30th… WalkAbout: On Holy G’Round dinner theater
*July 7th… DeuceFestDeuce
*July 14th… Le Perc at Common Ground
*July… The Deuce Invitational Golf Championships
*August 4th… So Long Steph, a goodbye to the Deuce First Lady
*August 7th… *N’Sync in Concert
*September 1st… The Deuce Football Championships
*October 6th… Deuce Night, a semi formal of great proportions
*December 8th… It’s a Wonderful Deuce Christmas

The New Top Ten List…
Top Ten Greatest Books of All Time Featuring a Guy Named Josh
10. War and Peace and Josh
9. Black Dog Josh
8. The Grapes of Josh
7. Joshcolae: Book Three of the Josh Behind series.
6. The Prayer of Joshbez
5. The Seven Habits of Highly Effective Joshes
4. I Kissed Dating, and Josh, Goodbye
3. Time Life Mysteries of the Unknown XVI: The Secrets of the Josh Ness Monster
2. Men are From Mars, Women are from Venus, Josh is from Brewton
And Number One:
The Bible (King Josh Version)

To Be Removed:
Hit “reply” and type “remove” on the email, and with your $38.00 removal fee, you’ll be taken off the list.

Be a Part:
We are declaring June as Deuce History Month! And with that, comes a chance to be a part of the Deuce Weekly. We need spotlight haiku for Tom, Shawn, Michael, and for Fisher and Malcolm (they can go together). These will be used throughout May and June! First up is Tom. The deadline for the best Tom Haiku will be April 23rd, to be used in the April 30th DW. Remember, a haiku is a three line poem, with five syllables in the first line, seven in the second and five in the third.

Have a great week!
Dave

The Deuce Weekly, 4/2 - 4/9/01

Vol I, Iss VII
4/2-4/9

Here it is.. the first Deuce Weekly with a Top Ten List. This would grow to be come the most popular segment--and the most controversial.

The DRL (deuce request live) Top 5 of Everything
5… Scott, the manager guy at Pizza Hut. He took good care of us Thursday night.
4… SW Missouri State Women’s Team. Do you know who Jackie Stiles is? You should.
3… Daylight Savings Time. Finally! It wont get dark until like, nine now. Rock on.
2… To those three girls who feel like their names are never mentioned in The Deuce Weekly. Now, you can’t complain. : )
1… Chow Yun-Fat. Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon is an incredible piece of film. Go see it, like right now. Go ahead, leave what you are doing, and go see it.

Coming Up:
*This Tuesday, April 3rd, Wade Morris, the barefoot preacher guy, is doing a little service at Common Ground. Its free, so make sure you come and join us!

*Saturday, April 7th. Cracker Barrel Saturday. Meet at the CB on 119 around 10 am for our monthly breakfast time together.

*Friday, April 20th. Common Ground afire. Come out to Meredith Quintana’s place, as we set things on fire and have a great time of fellowship!

*Saturday, April 21st, during the day. We call is a Deucursion, and weather permitting, we are headed out to Oak Mountain to play all afternoon.

*Saturday, April 22nd, at night. Supertones, Reliant K and Switchfoot at Metro Church o’God.

*Saturday, April 28th, the Dove Awards, at The Deuce. Well, the awards themselves aren’t at The Deuce, but we’ll be watching them on tv from The Deuce. You get the point.

*Sunday, April 29th, Life Connection Luncheon at the Refuge, behind Valleydale. Noon.

*May 4-6, Common Ground goes to PCB. The Prayer! The Water! The Chicks in Bathing Suits!

The Spotlight Haiku
Its getting harder and harder to decide who gets the haiku every week. Everyone will get one eventually, but in what order? Let’s see… let’s give our salute to a Friend of the Deuce this week to… Ty Coffey.
Ty owns Samford U
with a cell phone, and, one day
He will own you too

If I could be serious for a moment…
This I the one serious paragraph in all of The Deuce Weekly, and I want to use it to pass along any major prayer requests or to make any comments that I feel God wants me to make. If you have anything you feel like you want to share, please let me know. This week, I just want to simply remind you that if you are planning on going to Seattle with Sybil Johnson’s group, you need to get your money in ASAP.

Coming Soon
*May 16th… Timothy McVeigh is put to death. Burn baby burn. : )
*June… Deuce History Month
*June 28-30… WalkAbout: On Holy G’Round dinner theater
*July 7th… DeuceFestDeuce
*July… The Deuce Invitational Golf Championship
*August 4th… So Long, Steph, a goodbye party for The Deuce First Lady
*August 7th… *N’Sync in concert
*September 1st… The Deuce Football Championships
*October 6th… Deuce Night, our first semi-formal
*December 8th… It’s a Wonderful Deuce

Our New Top Ten List:
Top Ten Signs You’ve Eaten Too Much at the Nipps House on Sunday
10. Ken and Lynn start to stack sandbags around you.
9. You read your weight would be perfect for your body size… if you were 15 ft 7 inches tall.
8. You fall down in the kitchen and suddenly, an earthquake in Yemen claims 700 lives
7. Michael looks at you and says, “Dude, you’re fat.”
6. You decide to take a nap in April, and you wake up around Labor Day.
5. You bear a striking resemblance to Meatloaf, from the hit motion picture “Black Dog”.
4. Ashley looks at you and says “Oh my gosh, you eat a lot!”.
3. The Inverness fire department is called to get your dumpy butt off the couch.
2. Tiny Amy Vos begins to orbit around you, due to your gravitational pull
1. You’re sweating gravy!

Feedback
I have gotten lots of feedback about this newsletter, and most of it is positive. So, please keep the ideas and comments coming, and if you have anything to contribute, be it events or dates, or a top ten list, please pass it along.

To unsubscribe, please reply with “remove”, and I’ll take you off… after you send in your $35.00 removal fee.